We're back... We're angry.. We're FATTER.

It's really sad when this young plumper has to step & take our agenda forward. Maybe we need to get away from AYCE's & use our fat fingers to get our points across.

LONG LIVE THE CODE,

JR. WEISSENHEIMER

Thank You, Drive Thru

So getting food at a Drive Thru may just be the one contribution to society that, if not credited, should definetly be credited to Big Guys. I'm thinking Dave Thomas (RIP) at some point just figured "Fuck It." and gave in to what had to be a huge demand for Big Guys to not get out of the car. Getting out of the car isn't difficult for Big Guys, we can do it (and the day you can't you have to get a scooter but that's another blog post) it's just that why go through the hassle of being in public?
Drive Thrus are designed to keep public interaction to a minimum. Being in a resturaunt and chatting with ugly waitresses who, while they may be well within Big Guy Code, aren't going to realistically sleep with any Big Guy they come across on shift. This is the biggest let down of all time by the way. In fact just knowing that I can't sleep with any given waitress makes me want to go get some fast food right now to help ease the suffering.
If I miss anything about not having a car its gotta be drive thru. The food is always a terrible let down but the getting of it is so amazing that it all but makes up for how shitty it is. And just driving around doing fuck all and figuring out if you have enough change in the car to get a shake or a random bag of fries that you aren't hungry for is one of life's most Big Guy Code moments. It's American as apple pie which are usually two for a buck at McDowell's.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/sep/09/hadley-freeman-sexual-abuse-models


Read that link if you have time. I'll give you the basics: some Fashion guy was raping his models. That's right, those little tiny women who starve themselves to please nothing but the camera lense were being assaulted. Now according to the story this happens a lot. What I have to say is this, why can't everyone just admit that those assholes who make fashion for thin people are essentially just enforcing that look to please their own preferences? I know Big Guys have what many consider "Lower standards" but what you have to say is that we do not demand women to be our victims.
We just demand women.

I don't want somebody who can't throw my arm over her shoulders to help me walk off my heart attack.
I need someone who can successfully finish their meal that they ordered when on a date.
I'm not paying 10 bucks to watch you pick at your food damn it!
Eat the hamburger! EAT IT!

Mainstreaming Our Look

Big Guy Code is about much more than a look. However, it appears that "the Look" is becoming mainsteam. I refer you to a recent article posted on nytimes.com. It says guys are worrying less and less about their six-pack abs and more about the six-pack they have after dinner. This has always been the case for Big Guys whether it was a six pack of beer or a six pack of twinkies (do they make those?) At a certain point obsessing over becoming physically perfect gets in the way of actually living life. This we have always know.

So now suddenly the trend is to have a gut. They call it a "potbelly". They don't see, of course, that is has always been about much more than that. I can't tell you how many people I've run into that have a gut but insist on eating vegitarian food. This lapse in judgement can only be born from the myth that this food is healthier. If you read around a bit you'll find that soy gives men bitch tits and alztimers, most of the veggies these nazis eat are picked by underpaid laborers and shipped thousands of miles defeating the purpose of whatever the hell they were trying to achieve anyhow. Now there's giant industries for local organic food. Fuckers! It was always there, it's called a Butcher Shop. Instead of buying crap meats from Walmart people should have been buying bloody red steaks from the shop on the block. Okay so maybe that's a way of life now gone but it ain't that far gone! I can still get pissed that I can't find a decent meat market anywhere.

What was talking about? Oh yeah. Since Big Guys have never really be allowed to have fasion sense unless it came a greater cost (does anyone know how expensive it is to shop Big and Tall?) we've never bothered. In fact it's off the radar of life. Why bother meeting the standards of fasion when you've been reviled phsically your whole life? Fuck that and forget all these weiners walking around with little tummies thinking it's cute. If women decide suddenly to go for it then all it will demonstate to me is the inconsistancy of women. For the love of everything holy! Why now? Why does this trend come after I've gone through hell? I won't argue if it's really true but the problem of making this a look that is based in fashion is that it isn't then a reality but a trend for these idiots.
Check out the article below and see how dumb people have become.


http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/13/fashion/13POTBELLY.html?_r=3&scp=1&sq=hip%20to%20be%20round&st=cse?no_interstitial

Don't Mess With the View.

Recently something occurred in the news that has me thinking and may just become an important talking point. Big Guy Code is a lot of things but one thing it is not, in my opinion, is a catalyst for shitty behavior. Take that asshole who shot all those women up at health and fitness center outside Pittsburgh, that was wrong and it was something a Big Guy would never NEVER do. I apologize if this seems to be making light of a senseless tragedy but allow me to continue and perhaps, dear reader, you'll see where I'm coming from.

Big Guys love women. Now this may sound like I'm excluding certain demographics (the gays) but hey that's what the comments section is for. We love all shapes and flavors and varieties of women. It's part of the Code, part of the appetite, if you will. As I read about this guy's motives it's obvious he never lived by the Code a day in his life, if he had he would have supplemented his lack of a sex life with cinnebon and philly cheese steak like any normal Big Guy would. Then he'd have found peace with the reality of his Big Guy style embracing the truth of "that shit is not the end all be all". This may seem controversial and maybe it sounds as if it goes against the Code but let me ask you this: If you couldn't get laid at all do you really think harming someone else will help the situation?

Big Guys aren't about that. We wait till we find someone, we pass the time eating cold cuts, and then, when the woman comes along who is willing to tolerate our physical appearance we show how grateful we are by pestering them for sex at every turn. We don't cheat, unless it's like two asain chicks or something once in a lifetime like that, and then we die of heart disease before we reach retirement age freeing up the woman to do whatever the hell she wants for 20-40 years.
It doesn't get much better than that for women!

Meanwhile, if a Big Guy is in place to prevent some bullshit like this from happening he will. Sadly, this shooting took place in a gym: a place where Big Guys seldom go. But something tells me if a Big Guy had been there he'd have slapped the gun out of that idiot's hand and said "Hey I'm watchin' these beautiful women move around don't fucking interrupt me while I'm thinking!" And that pathetic piece of garbage would have had to slink back into whatever hole in the wall he came from.

Big Guy Code: Don't mess with the view.

For more on that story check out this link, what's strange and befitting is that at the bottom of the same page there is an article about food. If you want to know what the opposite of Big Guy Code is do a search for that asshole's blog and you can read for yourself. (Note: I've read that it may be fake but the precident is still there)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/aug/09/george-sodini-barbara-ellen

Code Words: HUSKY

Why is it that upon walking into a big & tall store the first thing one is likely to lay eyes on is a rack of shirts that say "Big DAWG" or "Big Daddy" these shirts are not only redundent (people know if you are a big guy already without a helpful sign) but they are offensive.

They take me back to a time when I was a kid. Most Big Guys started out in life as Big Kids. If you're like me then you may have had a hard time coping with the fact that not only did you look different from everyone else but you also had to slip into a size of clothing called HUSKY. Yes rather than have number sizes clothing was also divided and grouped with names. My name was HUSKY which I'm pretty sure is a type of dog or "Dawg" if you will.
This wasn't really something I was ever ashamed of but it did have side effects. It was the institutional idea that I could be labeled and that labeling was acceptable since it was helping me find jeans that fit. And so when people begin to reject their labels I say why? Did you ever have to buy pants according to you label? No? Then shut up and enjoy your label. I've been fitted with one and so must you so must we all. For as long as there are HUSKY pants there is a label out there and if you shed one you must be willing to shed them all.
HUSKY!

Breaking Chairs

Yes, unfortunately the fear of sitting in a chair and breaking it is a real and tangible fear for the Big Guy. It's happened to every Big Guy. Here's the scenario: You get to a cookout. There is a group of people there, most of whom you don't know that well. There may be that cute girl there you've had your eye on. After a while, your back starts to hurt (because you're a Big Guy) and you pick an unsuspecting fold-out chair to sit in. The problem is the chair is from 1974, rusted and rickety, and the host of the party didn't consider the Big Guy when he made this chair available to his invitees. So you sit in the chair, and the moment you allow all of your muscles to relax, you hear a crunch, or a crack, or a snap. You feel it start to collapse. Imagine something the size of 10 brontosauruses sitting atop one of the World Trade Center towers as it went down. Yeah, I know – not pretty imagery. But this can and probably has happened to almost every Big Guy out there at some point in their life. Of course there is no recovery. You have to retreat inside or leave altogether. It's damn near one of the most embarrassing things that can happen to a human being. It's grounds for moving to a different city if the incident was severe enough.  

In this post I will give you some solid tips to avoiding sitting in a chair and breaking it. 

1. The Abstinence Technique: If you see a chair or stool that looks like a stiff gust of wind could blast it to shreds, DON'T SIT IN IT. Trust me, just let your knees and back suffer, because nothing is more torment than breaking that thing and having to deal with the emotional suffering to follow. 

2. Type of Chair Rule: The old, metal, fold-out yard chairs with the interwoven straps for ass and back support are no good. Stay away. Anything metal, make sure it's relatively new. Old, wooden bar stools can be frail, too. Stick to newer chairs that don't have moving joints that can wear out or break under too much pressure. There is no sure-fire list here, just use your best judgement. If a chair looks fragile, trust your instincts – it probably is. 

3. The Sturdiness Test: If you think a chair is okay but aren't sure, give it the sturdiness test. Before sitting in it, grab the back of the chair in one hand and the front of the chair in the other and push down on it with a good amount of force. Give it a little wiggle as you do so. If it passes this phase, sit in the chair with half your weight. Then proceed to ease into the chair with the rest of your weight in small increments. If you start to hear it breaking, stand up immediately before the chair or stool is demolished. A half broken chair is better than a fully broken, collapsed chair. Just assume the chair was already broken by saying, "Who put out the broken chair? Ha ha! Good joke, guys!" 

4. Bring Your Own: Yes, it's that simple – bring your own chair. A sturdy, new, state of the art chair – one that can support 500 lbs or more. Just use the excuse, "You never know if there's going to be enough chairs, so I always bring my own." Or you can say, "My back is fucking with me, so I need my own chair." Whatever. You get the idea.

5. Help A Big Guy Out: If you see a Big Guy sit in a chair and the chair starts to give, stand up and tackle him full force. Yes, tackle him as the chair is breaking. That way you seem like two assholes who were horsing around and broke the chair instead of a fat guy who broke a chair by sitting in it. Yell out something stupid like, "Gilbert Brown! Grave Digger!" People will turn and laugh and be like, "You fucking guys!" It will be a real knee slapper ... and Big Guy catastrophe diverted. 

That's it. Follow these rules and I guarantee your chances of breaking a chair in public will go down by at least 80 percent. But these are just the rules I live by. If anyone has any others you can contribute, by all means, do so....

BGL (Big Guy for Life),

Joey Warnimont