Jolly.
From John Goodman to Chris Farley to Santa Claus, Big Guys have always had to maintained a certain level of Jolly in order to make them more palatalbe to the masses. Most of the world is thin and starving at that. We see it on the news and read about it on other blogs. Attacks on Big Guys and the guilt they are made to feel comes from an inability of our elected officials to properly distribute food. That's right, it's the government's problem... the guilt, not the weight. Most Big Guys would be happy eating less if they were happy elsewhere. And so it is that the Big Guy must overcompensate again, not by eating but by being jolly.
"He's a big teddy bear!" a woman might say about the man she's seeing but not sleeping with, because nobody has sex with a teddy bear, they don't have penises. (Furries are exempt from this statement of course) Thus in order to deal with the rejection and the blatant profiling the Big Guy must become Jolly. Either that or cannonball off an interstate bridge.
Indeed to be Jolly is to go on living, it is through the pain of rejection and the sorrow of solitude that a Jolly disposition is born. It is a coping method many Big Guys adopt without ever realizing what society has done to them.
Jolly.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Rules 1-5 of Big Guy Code
1. If you can fuck her, you can fuck her.
2. If you can lift her, you can fuck her.
3. If she weighs less than you, you can fuck her.
4. If she can lift you, you have to fuck her.
5. If she is too big but is showing signs of losing weight, date her for six weeks and see what happens.
These rules are up for scrutiny and debate. Let's everybody contribute to this ongoing list! But please label all successive rules with the correct numbers (6-10, 11-15, etc...) and put this in the title of your posting as I have done in this blog posting.
2. If you can lift her, you can fuck her.
3. If she weighs less than you, you can fuck her.
4. If she can lift you, you have to fuck her.
5. If she is too big but is showing signs of losing weight, date her for six weeks and see what happens.
These rules are up for scrutiny and debate. Let's everybody contribute to this ongoing list! But please label all successive rules with the correct numbers (6-10, 11-15, etc...) and put this in the title of your posting as I have done in this blog posting.
I look forward to hearing from all my Big Guy brethren!
BGL (Big Guy for Life),
Joey Warnimont
Joey Warnimont
People Need to Know
What is Big Guy Code? Who does Big Guy Code apply to? Am I a Big Guy? Should I be considering Big Guy Code?
Well first things first. Big Guy Code is a way of life, more importantly it's a way of interpreting societal norms and coping with them. Big Guys don't have it easy. We shop in different stores from other people. We need special seats. We have a hard time holding in gas. We sleep with women other guys will not sleep with. These things are just a few of the day to day struggles Big Guys have to deal with. It is an up-hill life but it isn't a lifestyle it's a code. One we carry with us our whole lives to get through it all to help us live life to the fullest before our knees go.
This is a blog for Big Guys by Big Guys to help them to understand the code. If you are not a Big Guy you can just back off and go eat a salad you skinny little prick. Nobody likes your boring personality anyhow that's why you'll end up divorced and alone in your old age you not-having-heart-disease-stick-man. Ladies you are allowed to read on only if you are pro Big Guy. If you are a personal trainer, eat shit and die. It'll probably taste better than the supplement crap you vomit back up after you run a mile on the treadmill, scum.
This blog will aim to provide tips, stories, nightmare scenerios, breakthroughs and triumphs as well as the guidelines every Big Guy needs to navigate this world that is so clearly against us.
Remember this: Big Guys don't live the code they are the code. Big Guy Code.
Well first things first. Big Guy Code is a way of life, more importantly it's a way of interpreting societal norms and coping with them. Big Guys don't have it easy. We shop in different stores from other people. We need special seats. We have a hard time holding in gas. We sleep with women other guys will not sleep with. These things are just a few of the day to day struggles Big Guys have to deal with. It is an up-hill life but it isn't a lifestyle it's a code. One we carry with us our whole lives to get through it all to help us live life to the fullest before our knees go.
This is a blog for Big Guys by Big Guys to help them to understand the code. If you are not a Big Guy you can just back off and go eat a salad you skinny little prick. Nobody likes your boring personality anyhow that's why you'll end up divorced and alone in your old age you not-having-heart-disease-stick-man. Ladies you are allowed to read on only if you are pro Big Guy. If you are a personal trainer, eat shit and die. It'll probably taste better than the supplement crap you vomit back up after you run a mile on the treadmill, scum.
This blog will aim to provide tips, stories, nightmare scenerios, breakthroughs and triumphs as well as the guidelines every Big Guy needs to navigate this world that is so clearly against us.
Remember this: Big Guys don't live the code they are the code. Big Guy Code.
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